Hawk’s Babble-Log

Last year sometime, I decided to give Farscape a try. Farscape was a cable TV show on SciFi, kinda sci-fi-ish, kinda drama-ish, kinda adventure-ish. It had many, many aliens, some of which were puppets, so naturally the Jim Henson company had a lot to do with the show. It was filmed down in Australia.

The first season wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good, either, but at least it was unpredictable. Ben Browder played John Crichton, the astronaut who gets shot through a wormhole and spat out on the other side of the galaxy. Claudia Black played a kick-ass Peacekeeper named Aeryn Sun. Though all Peacekeepers look human, they’re not; one of the biggest differences is that they’re cold-blooded. Anthony Simcoe played a wierd, warrior-type alien named Ka D’Argo. Many others played many other aliens, including Virginia Hey as Pa’u Zotoh Zhaan, Gigi Edgley as Chiana, Raelee Hill as Sikozu Shanu, Paul Goddard as Stark, Tammy McIntosh as Joolushko, and so on. Look it up on the net if you’d like to know the rest.

Ben Browder’s sassy, chauvinistic, “do it my way or do it my way” additude was a big turn off. Basically, he became an ass. A very _unlikeable_ ass. You can’t have empathy and care for a character who is lost on the other side of the galaxy when he’s an ass.

I really liked Claudia Black, even though the writers/producers eventually turned her character into a jerk, too.

Now that I think about it, the writers/producers turned every one of the characters into jerks, _even Pilot!_ Pilot is the character who helps control the ship Moya and acts as an interface between Moya and her inhabitants. Moya is a living ship, and Pilot is integrated into her so that they are inseperable. At least, that’s how it began. I guess the writers/producers felt that if the main star was a jerk, then all the rest had to be jerks as well.

One by one, the writers/producers made everyone a jerk in some way. Anthony Simcoe put it best when he said that this was a story about characters thrown together on a ship where they do not like eachother. Why would I want to watch this? The most likeable character in the whole series was Scorpius, played by Wayne Pygram, and he was supposed to be a villan.

Now contrast this situation with an outstanding show such as Babylon 5, where the characters are likeable, you get to know them, they truely care for one another, and the story is outstanding. _No comparison._ Not even a little bit. Farscape sucks ass, and Babylon 5 rocks. That’s the comparison. In other words, Farscape is a big steaming pile of DREN.

Story is king, but having likeable characters is _kinda bloody_ important! Speaking of story, all four seasons of Farscape could be summed up like this:

- Villan-of-the-season decides he/she wants Chrichton for his wormhole technology.
- Villan-of-the-season chases Chrichton and “friends” across galaxy.
- Villan-of-the-season is eventually defeated by Chrichton and “friends” and is replaced by an even worse Villan. The previous villan is then befriended and joins the team of “friends”.

One or two villans were in more than one season, but it’s the same exact pattern. It started with Captain Bialar Crais, then moved to Scorpious, then on to Grayza, then finally to Emperor Staleek of the Scarrans.

If you watch the special features and interviews ‘n such, there is a point near the end of season four (their last) where one of the producers (either David Kemper or Rockne O’Bannon) is giving a speech to the rest of the teary cast and crew. He said something like, “We didn’t do anything wrong. The house was 80% painted and we were cut off.”

What the hell was he talking about? Was he talking about some other show? These people had _no idea_ what to do with this show from day one. They had a general premise about Crichton being on the other side of the galaxy with lots of aliens, and being chased by a baddie, but that was it. They had no grand plans spanning five seasons like Babylon 5 did, and you can tell by watching it (if you can manage to suffer through all of it).

The _only reason_ I suffered through all of it, including the last “movie” called “Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars”, was so that I could write this article from an authoritative, knowledgeable point of view on the subject. My roommate would not watch a single show after the first few from season two, and felt that I was wasting my time. In the beginning (season one), it was almost worth the rental, but then when all characters became assholes, he just couldn’t stomach it any more. I should have done what he did, as it was a tremendous waste of time to sit through the rest.

But now that I have, and now that it’s done, I can write authoritatively about it, and let me save you some time: Farscape sucks ass. It’s not even worth the rental. Are the fans watching it with the mute on? Are they only watching to look at the pretty actors? I can kinda understand this; Chiana is hot (even though she’s gray), Sikozu is hot when she’s wearing that nice revealing top, and Jool is hot when she’s dressed in revealing clothes. But then I’d have to watch the show with the mute on and I’d have to somehow figure out how to skip over the parts which showed anyone else. What fun is that?

It is worth mentioning here that there were a few episodes which somehow managed to not suck quite so badly as the rest. The one with all the Chuck-Jones-type animation in it was almost funny, although it wasn’t creative, it was certainly difficult to pull off. The ones where Crichton gets together with Aeryn while on board Talyn are good (but then they are almost always torn apart again, which is _bad_).

Hummmm… wait, let me think… I’m pretty sure there are some more memorable episodes…

Wait, let me think… ummmmm… okay, maybe not. I’ve been sitting here thinking for about ten minutes. I am so glad I’m done with friggin’ Farscape.

It is also worth noting here how loyal the Farscape fans are. When the show was not renewed for season five, they banded together and created a site called savefarscape.com (which is now watchfarscape.com) within hours after the news hit the net. These loyal and avid fans banded together, received donations, and actually pooled enough money together to _air a commercial_ to bring back Farscape. I don’t understand what they see in the show, but that’s what makes this a wonderful world: diversity. I am always surprised by the diversity on this planet. Every time I walk down Hollywood Blvd I’m amazed by the diversity of the people here.

So, I may not understand what the hell they see in the series, but I will certainly acknowledge them for it. This small base of loyal Farscape fans got the miniseries “Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars” produced and created. That’s no small feat, and they should be acknowledged for it.

As for me? I just kinda go, “Huh? Did you watch the same thing I watched?”

“Hello. I am Hawk, a computer programmer, and I am most certainly _NOT_ friggin’ Farscape.”