Hawk’s Babble-Log

My definition of hardass: Neil Burnside & Jack Bauer

This might require some explanation. Possibly not about the second name, but probably about the first.

Neil Burnside was the director of “MI5″ in the show “The Sandbaggers”. The Sandbaggers were, basically, special forces dudes. Mostly they handled intelligence, but also they went out on missions. Sometimes, these missions were highly dangerous. Other times they were just to go out and pick up a guy who was trying to flee.

All the Sandbaggers shows were very, very well written. Often times I had a hard time keeping up with the political stuff; I don’t seem to have a very good grasp on politics. But that’s one of the things that makes this show so darn good. The writers were amazingly adept, always wrote a good story, and it seems that the head guy (Neil Burnside) always had some hard choices to make.

And that’s the thing that makes a guy a hardass. Not only does he make the tough choices, but he follows through with action. He may not like it, but he does it anyway.

Because The Sandbaggers is old (late 70’s), you’re not going to see too much action, nor too many special effects, though they did blow up a plane near the beginning of the first season. Granted, the plane was already on the ground, but it was still a good gesture. Nevertheless, it’s an _excellent_ show, and I’d buy it.

Specifically, after the first season, you’ll know why I elect Neil Burnside as Hardass #1. No, I’m not going to give anything away. Rent the first season of The Sandbaggers and you’ll know why.

As for Jack Bauer, he’s the hardass in the much more recent show “24″. The show 24 is very, very well planned out. Such planning is necessary when you’re filming events which should appear to play out in real time. So if you need to drive 20 minutes across down to handle something, it really takes 20 minutes to get there. Well, almost. They drop some time for the commercial breaks. But all the various lines of story are intermingled so well, the show creators really deserve kudos for that.

It seems, every hour of every day, Jack Bauer makes some damn hard decisions. And he can go days without sleep, too. The guy just doesn’t stop. If you send him out to handle something, you know it’ll be handled, one way or another. The show writers/producers really need to throw some heavy barriers in his way because he’s just such a hardass.

And speaking of heavy barriers, planning to kidnap his family? Really bad idea. Planning to set off a nuke in his city? Friggin’ bad idea. Planning to release a weaponized virus into his country? Insanely bad idea. Jack Bauer will kick your ass. And there’s nothing you can do to stop him.

Bad guys: you _really don’t_ want to get on Jack’s bad side. Like… really.

It doesn’t seem to matter which season (or “day”) of 24 you watch, after one season (or “day”), you’ll know why I elect Jack Bauer Hardass #2.

So, here’s the Hardass summary:

Hardass #1: Neil Burnside
Hardass #2: Jack Bauer

Any questions?

Starring Justin Whalin, Marlon Wayans, Zoe McLellan, Thora Birch, Kristen Wilson, and Jeremy Irons.

Directed by Courtney Solomon.

I just picked up this movie in the store a few days ago. I got it for a really good price. And, well, it’s worth it.

Truthfully, I think we need more movies like this. I know it’s not LOTR. I know it’s kinda cheesy, but that’s what I like about it! It doesn’t take itself too seriously and–most importantly–it’s _FUN_!

Compared to LOTR (Lord of the Rings), where the fate of the entire universe hangs in the balance, and if you screw up it’s death and torture for you and everyone you know or ever will know, then it’s starting to get serious. I mean, c’mon! That’s serious business! In that kind of situation, you either succeed or you better damn well succeed.

But this is much more lighthearted and much more fun. Even though it’s got some serious notes, such as the death of main characters, it’s still not serious because, well, they get over it.

It’s got lots of cool magic, lots of cool monsters, and lots of cool dragons. That last point, the part about the dragons, is really cool. I like dragons a lot.

The battle scenes aren’t great, but they’re good enough for a film of this caliber.

So, all in all, we need more films like this: fantasy, dungeons & dragons, swords & sorcery, with fantastic mythical quests, lots of cool magic, fun battles (with good choreography), and don’t forget the saving of the damsel in distress! After all, the hero’s gotta get the girl. Or, if the heroin is a girl, then she’s gotta get her guy.

Very confusing, hard to follow, hard to understand, but had some really cool visuals. Plus, it had hot chicks kicking ass. But because it was so hard to follow, I really didn’t know what the hell was happening most of the time, or who’s ass they were kicking, or why.

And what’s up with the giant lady in the sky with the bow? And what’s up with the big holographic lady inside the ship? Is that the main computer? And what’s with the red (evil) hologram? Was that a hacker? And how did the computer/pilot girl wake up again?

And another thing: If Earth defense want’s the ship _intact_ so badly, why are they trying to _destroy_ it???

The english voice acting is pretty sad, though not as bad as I’ve heard. The music is pretty good, but there isn’t much of it, so it gets old really fast.

Not recommended, even for a rental, unless you don’t care about story, plot, or what’s going on.

I got a letter from my cell phone provider, Cingular, about a “SERVICE IMPACTING ISSUE”. I guess it was serious. Basically, the letter says that I need to upgrade my SIM chip or else. They’ll provide the new 64K SIM chip, I just need to go to a Cingular store. The nearest Cingular store to me is down on Western and Wilshire.

So I reserve a Saturday and ride on down there. The heat was intense, but at least I wasn’t wearing much, and I had the wind. It was hot wind, but it seemed better than none at all.

From the moment I walked in the door, I knew my day had just tanked. There was a line. A big line. A long line. A line which ran down one wall, curved around the corner, and then ran down another wall. I got in the line, but I almost turned around and walked out.

I stood in this line for about _an hour_. I think I could have found better uses for my time, but at least I got some good chess time in. I have chess in my phone. So when I’ve got nothing better to do, I play a quick game against my phone. Usually, I lose. How sad is that? I’m so good at chess that my phone kicks my ass.

By the time I got up to talk to a guy, the line had grown to run down another wall. These guys were _way_ underprepaired for the traffic. Like, a lot.

So I finally reach the guy behind the counter. He asks for my number ‘n stuff, then proceeds to copy all the entries from my current SIM card over to my phone. I asked him about the copy machine, the one which can transfer all my numbers from the old SIM card over to the new SIM card. He said, “It’s broken.”

Let me clarify: The letter I got from Cingualr told me to just pop into a Cingular store and get my numbers copied over from my old SIM card to a “new and improved” SIM card. So far, I’ve had to stand around for an hour (playing chess) only to find out that the whole reason for going into the store was broken. And they didn’t even have a backup machine!

If I were running that store, I would have _at least_ a backup machine! They were completely undermanned as it was. Most of the people working there were standing behind the main central counter, asking if anyone needed any help. Hell yes, we needed some help! Like, a SIM card copy machine or three!

The man behind the counter swapped out my old SIM card for the new one. Since he was helping someone else by this time, I copied all my numbers back from the phone to the new SIM card. Now I had every entry in my phone book duplicated. One entry existed in my phone memory, the other existed in my shiny new SIM card. I asked the guy how to get rid of the duplicate entries and he said, “Delete ‘em.” I asked, “One by one?” He nodded.

So I’m doing it in shifts, a few per day. I have, probably, several hundred entries. If I start from the bottom and work my way up, it’s seven key presses to delete one entry and move the selector up to the next entry. It’s mind-numbing work.

The letter I got from Cingular states, “Cingular is constantly improving our network to provide you the best possible wireless service. In order for you to experience the enhanced Cingular network, we need to upgrade the existing SIM card in your wireless phone immediately.

“At no cost to you, Cingular will provide a new 64K SmartChip SIM Card that will enable your wireless phone to take advantage of the new network upgrades and reduce any potential service interruptions. The process only takes a few minutes and we’ll be happy to transfer your contacts from the old SIM card to the new SIM card at the same time.”

After I got my new SIM card, I made some calls (or received some calls, I don’t remember which) and the service was just as I remember it: crappy. I had one dropped call immediately, I remember that much. Once I got home, service was the same: crappy. I think the little extended antenna is helping, but it’s hard to be sure.

Maybe they haven’t rolled out the new network yet. As is, I get a lot of dropped calls and lousy reception when I’m at home or at someone else’e home. Just last Sunday I was at my sister’s place and got a call, which then dropped. This was with the new SIM card.

So, to summarize: I’m really not impressed with Cingular. Like, _really_ not impressed. They sent me another “deal” for a new free phone if I sign another two-year contract. To hell with that! I made that mistake last time. I think I’ll shop around and see if I can get something better.

Cingular still drops a lot of my calls, and the area I’m in at the time does _not_ seem to affect this. I’ve seen some of their ads, “Fewest dropped calls”. I have a word for that: _bullshit_.

Starring Keanu Reeves, Mitch Baker, Robert Downey Jr., Winona Ryder, and Woody Harrelson.

Directed by Richard Linklater.

This movie showcases a new kind of animation, which is kind of a “digital rotoscope”. An excellent demonstration of this kind of animation can be found in the special features of a movie called “Waking Life”, which is a solid piece of shit. But the movie was one of the first to use this kind of animation, and the guy who developed the animation software demonstrates how it works.

Overall, I thought the movie was okay. It did get me thinking, which is usual for Philip K. Dick stories.

Who is Philip K. Dick? Ever heard of a movie called Blade Runner with Harrison Ford? Ever heard of a movie called Minority Report with Tom Cruise? Ever heard of a movie called Paycheck with Ben Affleck? Ever heard of a movie called Impostor with Gary Sinise?

All based on Philip K. Dick stories. The guy is a visionary. His sci-fi always makes me think and always intrigues me. More info on Philip K. Dick here:

[http://philipkdick.com/](http://philipkdick.com/)

Overall, the story is okay. The “shifty suit” or “scramble suit” (or whatever they called it) is cool, but I’m not quite sure how it fits into the overall storyline.

I just have to make a note here about the hillarious dialog between junkies. The movie is mostly about drugs, and what they do to a person’s mind. Listening to a bunch of junkies when they begin to get paranoid is just plain funny, and the writing in this film captures this perfectly. To the writers: very well done!

So, overall, kinda interesting. The animation is certainly excellent. The story will get you thinking a bit. But I don’t think I’ll buy it unless I find it for a REALLY good price. Like, free, for example. Why? Because I don’t really want to see it again.

I was helping a friend re-install his entire Microsoft Windows XP Home system recently. After the re-install, things still were not running correctly. Sometimes the net would not work, sometimes it would. The machine would freeze for minutes, then resume what it was doing before.

With such activity, I alwas suspect malware. And I’m always right.

I ran a program called TCP View:

[http://www.sysinternals.com/Utilities/TcpView.html](http://www.sysinternals.com/Utilities/TcpView.html)

This handy little program shows me a listing of all TCP and UDP network connections. There were a few hundred entries for a process called libsys32.exe. Search Google for this and you’ll see immediately it’s MalWare. It connects to a remote machine and requests instructions on what to do. In other words, it’s _evil_, and it hijacks your computer.

Now comes the trouble of removing it. More searching on the net led me to a nice site with instructions for removing almost anything you don’t want:

[http://www.bleepingcomputer.com/tutorials/tutorial101.html](http://www.bleepingcomputer.com/tutorials/tutorial101.html)

These instructions will direct you to download a nice little program called Autoruns:

[http://www.sysinternals.com/Utilities/Autoruns.html](http://www.sysinternals.com/Utilities/Autoruns.html)

This is like Mike Lin’s Startup program on steroids. It’s probably much better, but at least more extensive. All ya need to do is boot up windows in Safe Mode, run Autoruns, remove all the evil software from startup, delete the evil software off the disk, and finally reboot.

That’s the short version. Read the instructions linked above for the more extensive version.

“But Hawk,” you may ask, “how do we know what software is evil?”

I get questions like this a lot. I also get comments such as, “Wow Hawk, you’re so smart. Can I be just like you when I grow up?”

To which I reply, “Don’t ever grow up. I didn’t; I’m still 12.” And to the first question, “Use Google.”

Honestly, I’m not all that smart. How did I know that libsys32.exe was evil? I had not a clue when I started this investigation. How did I find out? I went to this site:

[http://www.google.com/](http://www.google.com/)

I entered libsys32.exe into the search box, and then I clicked the ‘Search’ button. As I do this excercise right now, I see the second entry has this text: “libsys32.exe is Trojan/Backdoor”. But I didn’t stop there (remember I’m still mostly clueless). I needed more clues, so I clicked on the first link, the one which goes to the info page for this specific MalWare:

[http://www.bleepingcomputer.com/startups/libsys32.exe-12025.html](http://www.bleepingcomputer.com/startups/libsys32.exe-12025.html)

This page states, “This is an undesirable program.” Ha! That’s putting it mildly. My friend could barely use his system at all with this crap running in the background. This page also states, “This file has been identified as a program that is undesirable to have running on your computer. This consists of programs that are misleading, harmful, or undesirable.”

Okay, I’ve got enough clues to not be clueless about this thing. Now I know exactly what I need to remove from Windows startup using Autoruns.

So… now I have one more tool in my arsenal against MalWare. Here’s my current MalWare software toolbox:

TcpView:
[http://www.sysinternals.com/Utilities/TcpView.html](http://www.sysinternals.com/Utilities/TcpView.html)

Spybot Search and Destroy spyware removal tool:
[http://safer-networking.org/en/index.html](http://safer-networking.org/en/index.html)

ClamWin antivirus:
[http://clamwin.com/](http://clamwin.com/)

x-Cleaner:
[http://www.xblock.com/](http://www.xblock.com/)

Startup Control Panel by Mike Lin:
(this is what I used to use)
[http://mlin.net/StartupCPL.shtml](http://mlin.net/StartupCPL.shtml)

Autoruns:
[http://www.sysinternals.com/Utilities/Autoruns.html](http://www.sysinternals.com/Utilities/Autoruns.html)

I hope this helps defeat those MalWare-writing bastard asshole criminals.

Starring: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Stellan Skarsgard, Bill Nighy, Jack Davenport, Kevin McNally, and Jonathan Pryce.

Directed by Gore Verbinski.

I really liked the first one. The first Pirates of the Caribbean was an outstanding film. I liked everything about it. You can search my blog if you want to read about how much I liked it. I just want to stress here how much I really liked the first one, so that you can appreciate it when I say how much I really liked the second one.

Outstanding! And a whole lotta fun! Gore Verbinski directed the first one and this sequel as well, and has done an outstanding job once again!

I was really concerned that the sequel would be a let-down, as they often are. However, this one does not let down at all. The writing is excellent, and the story is excellent. AND I didn’t even notice the time fly by, and this movie is over two and a half hours long.

Expect to see many of the original players as were in the first film. Some were expected… others were not.

I’m going to see it again, probably at the ElCap (again). I do recommend it, and you needn’t even have seen the first one to enjoy this one.

One more note: I can’t hardly wait for the next.

I went with my roomie to go see Superman Returns (for the second time) at the big IMAX at Universal CityWalk in IMAX 3D.

It was DISAPPOINTING. Here’s why:

- The movie wasn’t originally filmed in 3D, so the “3D” is fake. It’s false advertising. We even asked the ticket girl if it was really in 3D and she said, “Yes.” It wasn’t. They took layers from the film, seperated them out and put them on “3D” depth layers, but these layers were flat. The farm scene comes to mind. When Clark is back home, he’s standing outside looking over the farm with the dog. The wooden fence is made of round logs, but they look completely flat. The fence does look closer than Clark, but it’s flat. So is Clark. He’s a flattened layer seperated out and put into “3D”. I’m using quotes around “3D” on purpose. It’s fake. It’s false. It sucked.
- There were only four scenes in “3D”. One had to put on the 3D glasses, then take them off, then put them on, then take them off, so on and so forth. There were three little symbols at the bottom of the picture showing when to put them on and when to take them off.
- There was a spec, or spot, or blotch of dirt or something on the right lense, placed near the left-middle. It was distracting for two reasons: 1) it was only visible in the right eye, which was only visible when in “3D” mode, and 2) it’s a big black blotch on the picture!
- There was a pair of vertical lightly-colored bands just left of center, all the way up and down the screen. These were not noticable at all when the picture was dark, like a night scene. But there was a lot of light colored images in this movie… such as _the sky_! These bands were noticable.

I guess IMAX isn’t what it used to be. It’s a real shame. I used to _love_ going to an IMAX film.

Last year sometime, I decided to give Farscape a try. Farscape was a cable TV show on SciFi, kinda sci-fi-ish, kinda drama-ish, kinda adventure-ish. It had many, many aliens, some of which were puppets, so naturally the Jim Henson company had a lot to do with the show. It was filmed down in Australia.

The first season wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good, either, but at least it was unpredictable. Ben Browder played John Crichton, the astronaut who gets shot through a wormhole and spat out on the other side of the galaxy. Claudia Black played a kick-ass Peacekeeper named Aeryn Sun. Though all Peacekeepers look human, they’re not; one of the biggest differences is that they’re cold-blooded. Anthony Simcoe played a wierd, warrior-type alien named Ka D’Argo. Many others played many other aliens, including Virginia Hey as Pa’u Zotoh Zhaan, Gigi Edgley as Chiana, Raelee Hill as Sikozu Shanu, Paul Goddard as Stark, Tammy McIntosh as Joolushko, and so on. Look it up on the net if you’d like to know the rest.

Ben Browder’s sassy, chauvinistic, “do it my way or do it my way” additude was a big turn off. Basically, he became an ass. A very _unlikeable_ ass. You can’t have empathy and care for a character who is lost on the other side of the galaxy when he’s an ass.

I really liked Claudia Black, even though the writers/producers eventually turned her character into a jerk, too.

Now that I think about it, the writers/producers turned every one of the characters into jerks, _even Pilot!_ Pilot is the character who helps control the ship Moya and acts as an interface between Moya and her inhabitants. Moya is a living ship, and Pilot is integrated into her so that they are inseperable. At least, that’s how it began. I guess the writers/producers felt that if the main star was a jerk, then all the rest had to be jerks as well.

One by one, the writers/producers made everyone a jerk in some way. Anthony Simcoe put it best when he said that this was a story about characters thrown together on a ship where they do not like eachother. Why would I want to watch this? The most likeable character in the whole series was Scorpius, played by Wayne Pygram, and he was supposed to be a villan.

Now contrast this situation with an outstanding show such as Babylon 5, where the characters are likeable, you get to know them, they truely care for one another, and the story is outstanding. _No comparison._ Not even a little bit. Farscape sucks ass, and Babylon 5 rocks. That’s the comparison. In other words, Farscape is a big steaming pile of DREN.

Story is king, but having likeable characters is _kinda bloody_ important! Speaking of story, all four seasons of Farscape could be summed up like this:

- Villan-of-the-season decides he/she wants Chrichton for his wormhole technology.
- Villan-of-the-season chases Chrichton and “friends” across galaxy.
- Villan-of-the-season is eventually defeated by Chrichton and “friends” and is replaced by an even worse Villan. The previous villan is then befriended and joins the team of “friends”.

One or two villans were in more than one season, but it’s the same exact pattern. It started with Captain Bialar Crais, then moved to Scorpious, then on to Grayza, then finally to Emperor Staleek of the Scarrans.

If you watch the special features and interviews ‘n such, there is a point near the end of season four (their last) where one of the producers (either David Kemper or Rockne O’Bannon) is giving a speech to the rest of the teary cast and crew. He said something like, “We didn’t do anything wrong. The house was 80% painted and we were cut off.”

What the hell was he talking about? Was he talking about some other show? These people had _no idea_ what to do with this show from day one. They had a general premise about Crichton being on the other side of the galaxy with lots of aliens, and being chased by a baddie, but that was it. They had no grand plans spanning five seasons like Babylon 5 did, and you can tell by watching it (if you can manage to suffer through all of it).

The _only reason_ I suffered through all of it, including the last “movie” called “Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars”, was so that I could write this article from an authoritative, knowledgeable point of view on the subject. My roommate would not watch a single show after the first few from season two, and felt that I was wasting my time. In the beginning (season one), it was almost worth the rental, but then when all characters became assholes, he just couldn’t stomach it any more. I should have done what he did, as it was a tremendous waste of time to sit through the rest.

But now that I have, and now that it’s done, I can write authoritatively about it, and let me save you some time: Farscape sucks ass. It’s not even worth the rental. Are the fans watching it with the mute on? Are they only watching to look at the pretty actors? I can kinda understand this; Chiana is hot (even though she’s gray), Sikozu is hot when she’s wearing that nice revealing top, and Jool is hot when she’s dressed in revealing clothes. But then I’d have to watch the show with the mute on and I’d have to somehow figure out how to skip over the parts which showed anyone else. What fun is that?

It is worth mentioning here that there were a few episodes which somehow managed to not suck quite so badly as the rest. The one with all the Chuck-Jones-type animation in it was almost funny, although it wasn’t creative, it was certainly difficult to pull off. The ones where Crichton gets together with Aeryn while on board Talyn are good (but then they are almost always torn apart again, which is _bad_).

Hummmm… wait, let me think… I’m pretty sure there are some more memorable episodes…

Wait, let me think… ummmmm… okay, maybe not. I’ve been sitting here thinking for about ten minutes. I am so glad I’m done with friggin’ Farscape.

It is also worth noting here how loyal the Farscape fans are. When the show was not renewed for season five, they banded together and created a site called savefarscape.com (which is now watchfarscape.com) within hours after the news hit the net. These loyal and avid fans banded together, received donations, and actually pooled enough money together to _air a commercial_ to bring back Farscape. I don’t understand what they see in the show, but that’s what makes this a wonderful world: diversity. I am always surprised by the diversity on this planet. Every time I walk down Hollywood Blvd I’m amazed by the diversity of the people here.

So, I may not understand what the hell they see in the series, but I will certainly acknowledge them for it. This small base of loyal Farscape fans got the miniseries “Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars” produced and created. That’s no small feat, and they should be acknowledged for it.

As for me? I just kinda go, “Huh? Did you watch the same thing I watched?”

“Hello. I am Hawk, a computer programmer, and I am most certainly _NOT_ friggin’ Farscape.”