Hawk's Babble-Log

I’ve changed my standard operating procedure regarding my cell phone. You see, I’ve had lots of trouble with my service with Cingular. At first I thought it might be the phone, but I’m having the same trouble with my new phone, so I don’t think that’s it any more.

I think it’s Cingular’s “service”. The best that customer service could do is to advise me to “hard shock” my phone. A “hard shock” happens when you pull the battery out when the phone is on. This is customer service’s only tool. And that’s pretty sad.

Anyway, my old SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) was to “hard shock” the phone every morning before leaving for work. This *seemed* to work for a while. However, while I was up on the 10th floor of the Taft building (at Hollywood & Vine) not long ago, I tried to make a call. I knew it wouldn’t be a long call, and I figured I’d have great reception being up so high. But it was not to be: I got the mysterious “Call failed:” message. There is no reason after the colon. The only thing on the screen was the message “Call failed:”.

I guess the phone doesn’t even know why the call failed. Can’t blame it; after all, it’s trying to use Cingular’s service.

I tried again and go the same “Call failed:” message, almost instantly. Know what that means? Oh yes, by now I know what this means. Time to “hard shock” the phone. I was on my way down, out of the building, but I wasn’t taking the very speedy elevator. I decided to walk down the stairs. So, on my way down, I yanked the battery, waited a second or two, put it back in, replaced the cover, and turned it back on. Then waited for the phone to boot up, entered my code, waited until it registered itself on the network, and tried to make my call again. BAM! “Call failed:”

Well, this was wierd. This usually doesn’t happen right after a “hard shock”. In fact, it had never happened… until now. I was about half-way down now, probably around the 5th floor. The call would not happen. So I “hard shocked” it again. Wait, let me think of the last time I had to “hard shock” my phone two times in a row… wait, it’ll come to me… Hummmm……

By now I was down on the street level, still trying to make my call. Folks, lemme tell ya, this was a first. I had not, up until this day, had to “hard shock” my phone twice in a row just to make a call. But, I was able to make the call after the second “hard shock”. So, at least that’s something. Good thing it wasn’t an emergency! Good thing I wasn’t being chased by an evil mad man with an axe. Can you see me turning to him, holding up my hand, and politely requesting him to pause while I “hard shocked” my phone? Hummm… actually… that might make a really funny scene in a cheesy horror movie.

Anyway, so I’ve changed my SOP; now I only “hard shock” the phone when it’s necessary, when I get the all-too-familiar message, “Call failed:”.

Why, you wonder? Why does my phone report “Call failed:” with no reason? No, don’t ask why. Because I can’t tell you. It’s not that I know and don’t want to tell you. It’s that there’s nothing on the screen after the words “Call failed:”. So I really don’t know.

BTW, today, while chatting with my dad, my phone dropped the call. We were chatting for about 20 or 30 minutes (no, not the record, but close!). I resisted the urge to toss the phone through my screened window, and called him back. “Call failed:”. Okay, by now I know the friggin’ drill! Take out the battery, wait a few seconds, put it back in, hold the power button down for five seconds, wait for the phone to boot up, enter code, and finally wait for phone to register itself on the network. I wonder what the Cingular technicians where thinking… “Hey, look, he’s back!” “Dang, you’re right!” “Yeah, and that’s gotta be record time for a ‘hard shock’, eh?” “No kidding!” “Hey, let’s see how many times we can dump him in the middle of a call before he gives up!”

I called my dad back and we chatted for another five or so minutes when… “Hello? Dad? You there?” Silence. I looked at the phone display: main menu. The call had been dropped *again*.

Okay, I give up. I’d rather have a good conversation with my dad rather than do battle with Cingular’s “service”. I called him back on my land-line and we chatted and debugged his system for another 138 minutes. Aaaa, good service. Is it too much to ask for? Is it?

Well, don’t ask Cingular.